Forgiveness...and a Father's Heart

Father’s Day 2012

I forgave my father a long time ago.

He never apologized. He never asked for forgiveness.

But there came a time in my life where I realized I had to dig deep in my heart and forgive him.

I realized forgiving my father was what I had to do in order to move on with my life.

I realized forgiving my father was the only way I could try to have a future and let go of the hurts of the past.

It took me awhile to understand that forgiveness does not excuse someone for hurting you or the people you love, and forgiveness does not mean you have to subject yourself to any more of that hurt.

Sometimes you have to make the toughest choice to let go in order to live.

For me, forgiving my earthly father was the only way for my heart to heal and really know and understand the love of God as my Father.

Like many people, I spent years never being able to fully relate to all the messages about God as a loving Father who accepts us no matter what, who wants to be with us, who believes in us, who loves us unconditionally, who is strong and honest and peaceful and merciful and kind, who would never harm us.

And it bothered me.

It especially bothered me because I knew I was not alone.

I knew too many children and adults who did not have a loving, accepting father in their lives. I knew too many people whose image of a father was someone uncaring or abusive or absent or violent. I knew too many people who never heard the words, “I’m proud of you.” I knew too many people who longed to have a great father cheering them on in life.

At the same time, my friends and people I knew who had wonderful fathers who believed in them and wanted to spend time with them and loved them and protected them and kept them safe could not relate to why it was so hard for others to trust God as a loving Father.

When you feel like you had to take care of yourself most of your life, it’s not easy to let go and trust that God will really be there for you when you need Him.

When your image of a father is someone to fear, it’s nearly impossible to really believe that your heart is safe with God and that there is no fear in real love.

But a funny thing happened when I finally found the strength to forgive my father.

I finally began to find the freedom to open my heart.

I finally began to learn about real love.

I finally began to learn to trust God more, to slowly believe He really loved me and wanted the best for me.

I finally began to see that God really did have good intentions toward me.

I held onto that hope with all my heart. I still do.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Another version of that verse promises us that God has “plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (MSG)

As I began to look around, I finally realized that God had placed wonderful people in my life to love me and look out for me and remind me of His goodness. He has given me people who have my back, no matter what---people who would never harm me or let me be harmed.

God brought people into my life to show me by example how He intends a healthy, loving family to live.

One of my friends, who is raising his child alone, is one of the best examples I’ve ever met of someone who truly has a father’s heart of unconditional love. He is kind and selfless and compassionate and forgiving and a strong man of God. He accepts his responsibility as a father completely and wholeheartedly and without question.

I have great friends who love their wives and kids with a strong and faithful love that is inspiring. They give their families what they need most: time and love and acceptance and encouragement and support and strength and security. They have fun together as a family and they help each other through the hard times.

Other friends have shared their stories with me about what wonderful fathers or stepfathers they had. Hearing their stories always makes me feel hopeful.

Through all their examples, I have learned so much about the true Father heart of God.

And I have learned to believe in real love.

If your heart is hurting this Father’s Day or you’re missing what you didn’t have with an earthly father, God can do the same for you. He promised. And my life is proof it’s true.

“Father to the fatherless, defender of widows; this is God. God places the lonely in families…”~Psalm 68:5-6a

Even though there were times I wished I knew what it would have been like to grow up in a healthy, happy family, I don’t feel sorry for myself. Self-pity and regret take too much away from living. I don’t have time for that.

I have too much life left to live. I have too much love still to give --- and receive.

I continue to pray that my own father will someday fully understand and receive God’s unconditional, forgiving love for him, too.

If you cannot relate to the idea of a great father to celebrate on Father’s Day or you did not even have a father in your life, take heart. There is hope.

If you let Him, I know God can be for you everything your own father chose not to be or maybe could not be.

God will never abandon you.

God will never neglect you.

God will never abuse you.

God will never forget about you.

God will never threaten you.

God will never use violence against you.

God will never lie to you.

God will never, ever leave you alone. Never.

Instead:

God is loving and kind and forgiving.

God is supportive and accepting and caring.

God is selfless, self-sacrificing and compassionate.

God is truthful and faithful and responsible.

God’s heart toward you is calm and peaceful.

God is strong and persevering and full of hope.

God believes in you.

God wants the very best for you.

God wants to give you a future and a hope, no matter what kind of past you’ve had.

God values you. He treasures you. He cherishes you.

God loves you unconditionally and He accepts you no matter what.

God’s arms will always be open wide with love for you, the way a good and loving father’s arms are always open wide with love for his children.

We can feel safe with God and His Father heart of unconditional love toward us.

That’s the very best Father’s Day news of all.